Dear Dali,

I am writing during what may be called “bed rest”. I am tired. I'm not sure if it's physical fatigue but it may just be mental fatigue (but not soliciting sympathy). I am in this situation because of the poor choices that I have made in recent months. You see I have increased the portfolio of work that I do. Officially I work for SIVIO Institute on a full-time basis. That alone is fulfilling and requires more than eight hours per day. I do it without complaining. It's a calling. At the beginning of the year, I said to my colleagues let's do less but effectively. It sounded good. But literally by the end of January, I had increased my portfolio of work by embarking on an audacious long-term resilience project by investing in an agri-business. As you already know I am a hands-on person. So, I have added a new set of responsibilities (meetings, budgeting, planning, and travel) to an already busy schedule. I assumed that I would slow down on commissioned work- but we (family and the Institute) need the extra income. So, I have been busy with commissioned work. As you grow there are no excuses for lack of delivery on commissioned work. It’s been extreme, and that’s perhaps why I have not been writing you letters lately. I have learned a lot as well, and I’d like to share some lessons:

#1: Learn to be Selfish with yourself

Selfish is not necessarily a bad word, (especially in this context). Yes, still consider others first, but watch out for takers who will never fill your cup. Guard your space. Avoid toxic places and people. Spend a significant amount of time in self-care (to avoid having to go for repair like I am doing now). You can't be everything to everyone. Schedule regular rest. Spoil yourself occasionally.

#2: Say No first (may sound unreasonable)

Prioritize yourself. The world will constantly knock on your door making demands on you. I was told many years ago that my biggest problem is that I am a yes man. I would usually say yes to any new thing probably thinking that it would help advance my career or endear me to whoever is asking. Eventually found myself with an unreasonable schedule, not all commitments are for financial gain, and I am not saying only do things that have a remuneration attached to them. I always say yes to many nonpaying responsibilities like sitting on the Editorial Board of a Journal, reviewing a journal paper, and being in workshops, these are part and parcel of my chosen trade. But you can only sit on so many journals. Identify what is enough and don't agree to anything more. I can assure you they will find somebody else and if possible, practice referring new opportunities to others.

#3: Delegate/Ask for help

 If whatever is asked of you can be done by others, please go ahead and ask for their help. Do not hesitate to ask for help. When you get into leadership the first lesson that you must learn is that you work with others. The point of leadership is not to do everything but to lean on others. The success of a leader is not necessarily based on what he/she does but, on the system they put in place to ensure that things get done. I have been successful in some of this but have failed in others. It's a work in progress.  

#4: Don't be hard on yourself/Exercise Grace

You will make mistakes along the way. Don't be too hard on yourself. Learn, move on, and try again. I am probably my own worst judge. I organized an event that did not go so well. I was too busy during the days leading to the event and did not plan what I would say. I have been mad at myself for close to four weeks since that event because I didn't speak well and did not invite some people who were supposed to have been there. There is a voice that keeps on telling me all the mistakes I have made and rarely the good things I have done. I relive every bad moment. I am learning to undo that and focus on things that I did well. I am not burying my head in the sand. No. I am exercising grace over myself- otherwise, this other voice is trying to say I am unworthy. When I know that I am worthy.

#5: Celebrate small and big wins

At times we take wins for granted. Maybe it's how we are wired- not to allow things to get to our heads. Conquering the next level may just require you to remember the previous win and convince yourself that you were born for this. I celebrated a blog article recently and those who know of my publishing track record were surprised. It looked like a very small win. Maybe to them but not me. You see I have always blogged, but my blogs have never been subjected to a thorough peer review like journal articles. I went through 5 rounds of corrections on that blog- nearly gave up, to be honest. When it was published, I was just so thrilled about it. So yes, celebrate that small win as you would celebrate a big win. It's good for emotional balance.